I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
