I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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