Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Randomize
