if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
