Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
