you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
