My liver just broke up with me...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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