it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i was born a porn star she said
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
