you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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