I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
