I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
