I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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