i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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