eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
This house was built for laser tag.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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