So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
