Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I need a beard to bite.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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