Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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