I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
