she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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