walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Who died my cat blue again?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
