I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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