he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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