I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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