Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
