Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I want to fling myself into the sun
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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