Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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