He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize