...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
