I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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