hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
