whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
