just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
