Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
