eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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