Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
