Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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