Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
