Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
