So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
