I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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