I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Im part way to drunk.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
