It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
