even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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