It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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