why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
