There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
