Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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