i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
