good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I supernannyed him into submission
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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