On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize