And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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