Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
