I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
