But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She swung at the pinata with crutches
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
