she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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