More tranny stories later!
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
