the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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