Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
false alarm, still single
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