3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
