Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
