So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My Higher Power is John Stamos
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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