all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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