Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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