sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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