im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
