A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Randomize
