remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
