17 year olds will be the death of me.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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