dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
