My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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