love makes seman taste better
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
