His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Rumble strips road head = magical
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
