my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
