oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
