Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
