Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My penis needs a shock collar
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
