My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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