wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
