Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize