Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
ugly people sure do ruin things
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
