i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
