she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize