wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
