I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
