ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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