So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize