Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
