would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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