I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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