Is it normal to miss your booty call?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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