drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
