Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize