what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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