I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
