omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
